The things we do for love

Why am i in so much pain lately? I really don't understand why it is so hard to be a better person when in fact i have tried(GOD knows how I've tried) to understand and realize that same situation months ago. It is all coming back again and it is killing me inside. I really can't help it. I have tried to brush it off my mind. I am not happy and definitely not at peace with myself. It is affecting my health, my relationship with my daughter, and my marriage. It is crushing my heart. I find it so difficult to breathe.

Why is it so difficult to let it go and just understand? is it because Im selfish, full of pride and insecure? is it because i have'nt heard what i wanted to hear for months now?is it because i do not have enough assurance from my hubby?or is it because i am so much relaxed that i intend to think so much and being paranoid?Or worse, i am just in so much drama.I really don't know! is it true that if you really believed what you wanted to believe,it really is difficult to understand and see the light.

My husband loves me so much especially our beloved daughter. And i love my husband so much, it is killing me. I can't imagine this family to fall apart. NOT in my wildest dream! I have asked guidance from the Lord to enlighten me on what really is going on. Sometimes, i hate this little voice inside my head telling me what i see and hear is true and the other little voice is telling me, im just being paranoid and full of shit! AArrrgghhh...i don't know what to think anymore! My friends and his friends are just laughing at us whenever we have big issues coming about our marriage. They do say we are the "IT" couple.

Hahay!I feel a lot better already. Sometimes, it is so much nicer to just write everything down than to say it. =)

If you have anything to advice, feel free to do so. i love comments, reactions or criticisms =)

The Plastics

Back in high school, we established a bond between our individual selves with other people. Soon, we formed a group which we call "barkada". Within this barkada, we tend to do and share all kinds of things even thinking the same stuffs. From bitterness to blissfulness, pain and sorrow and everything in between. We always remind or even swear to each other every plans we have made to be together no matter what. The rivals of another will always be the rival of all. That was high school and it will always stay that way.

But through the years wherein change is constant in this world, we only had memories to reminisce and sigh. It has been almost 10 years since we were still giggling and crying over spilled milk and so many things have changed. Some for the good but some for the bad. It is sad to say that although there are still some of us that are willing to stay and communicate, there are also some who have grown into different persons and seems to be forgetting everything we have been through. We don't mean to pry if that's what they really want but at least the acknowledgment of plainly just being friends. It is quite shocking and and a bit of treachery when we offer our friendship to them but in return we receive only a lame and persuasive smile.

Are friendships really meant to fall apart? Are we capable to do that? Do we just let it go and go on with our lives?

As I grew older, I try to understand and accept why some of the things in our lives are not the way we wanted it to be. Friendship for me is not tolerating nor prying. When we sense something wrong or even heard something bad about a friend, it is good to talk about it personally to avoid grudges and bitterness. Misconception will always be the reason for breaking a friendship. In the end, damage has already been done and the possibility of a reunion will be out of the question.

Burn Baby Burn!

I am so happy! I finally know how to burn cd's! yeah, i know, "so what" right? I have been longing to learn these kind of stuffs. We can finally download any songs we want. In this way, the contents in the cd are purely our favorites. We can also use it as a business LOL! But hey, it really is an advantage. We only have to buy blank cds which is wwaaayyyy cheaper than the pirated cds we buy outside =). And the good thing is we don't have to worry about destroying our audio components!

Pussycat Dolls & Eamon

I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH! IT REALLY MAKES YOU DANCE =)

Video provided by VideoCodes4U

I ALSO CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF EAMON!

Video provided by VideoCodes4U

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

I am 25 years old! and i feel i haven't accomplished anything. Although, personally and financially, i am really blessed, Thank You Lord, but career path, i am not satisfied yet. I still am looking for what i really want for myself and the good for my family. But hey, no regrets! My life here on earth is full of wonderful and beautiful memories with spices of pain, bitterness and such. I have a wonderful and supportive husband, a loving and beautiful daughter, true friends, understanding and helpful parents. I could not ask for more =) God has been good to me....

Climbing to maturity is one tough call. Philosophizing about everything and anything that comes in our way. But i have learned true wisdom and that is the wisdom of happiness. There is no other way to live fully but only through the key of happiness. In order to achieve this, we have to free ourselves from jealousy, insecurities and bitterness.And we are at peace with ourselves. I know it is quite easy to say and difficult to do, but practice and asking for guidance from God will help us through. =)

Here are some of my pictures taken a day before my birthday at Loretos.

My hubby and me doing a manyak thing!

Singing his very "kinakusgan" song =)

L-R: Kim(lesley's hub), Jeff and Dino( Roxane's hub)

The "It" couple...hehehe...

And presenting my Gurls! Since we all are married and have beautiful babies, we call ourselves, Sexy Moms International! Whenever we have gatherings, we talk about our babies most of the time. We tease our husbands and vice versa. It's like one big happy family! Nowadays, we are taking bellydancing lessons. and we loved it! such a sexy dance!

From L-R: Lesley, me, Pamela and Roxane

August

Finally, after impatiently waiting for a month, it is finally here in our home. With all the cursing, complaining and blabbering about a company's way of servicing customers, Wifi wireless internet is actually working! ;) it took us a month to wait for it to really work because of complications of this and that. What they said was true. twice faster than dsl, no more dial-ups and it comes with 24/7, unlimited, nonstop, infinity of use! isn't that awesome? =) Now, i can blog easily and write whenever i want to.There are so many things i would like to share. Hopefully, there will be no interruptions so that i can fully indulge myself in the blog world.

FIESTALICIOUS

Last fiesta, i was so baboy! talk about gaining weight, for 3 straight days, we were eating lechon and still i haven't gained a single pound! I was eating on the highest level with the packages of cholesterol, hypertension and diabetes. it's the first time i was eating without inhibitions and limitations. I usually worry about not eating the right and healthy foods but i did not care about anything else but to gain more weight. For other girls, especially the big ones, it's hard for them to lose, maintain or minimize their eating habits.it is the same for me also. I have a hard time gaining weight.but maybe in due time, i will eventually join the " Big Asses Society " and eventually complain for being so big like them =0 hehe =).

OH, BROTHER!

I have to admit, although it all sounds so mushy, but i love watching Pinoy Big Brother!=p You get to see their different personalites and characteristics. My hubby is so opinionated whenever he watches it also. You can see how each of them clashes their identities with each other.It gets so exciting and frustrating all at the same time.and i love the team song as well! you just can't get enough of it. =)

NIGHT LIFE 2005

Sheesh! it has been so long(way too long!) that i went out on a saturday night date with friends like before. I never expected to see so many men and women with the likes of having a daring sense of fashion! is this the new generation they are talking about? or is it just me and my getting-old age? Nowadays, it just feels so right to be in a tight, comfy place with the few, selected friends of ours. It gets so dizzy and irritating when there are so many people,new and old faces. Instead of having fun and making good conversations, you tend to twist your neck, exercise your eyes and probably enjoy the view =) So I'd rather stay in a place where i get my full attention and conversation from my friends or better yet, stay at home, watch Dvd's,surf the net, play with my daughter or simply be with my family. =)